Shamus Writes
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Trapped within my own mind
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24 Apr 06 Fairy Tale

It was a chance encounter, one he never would have realistically expected.  Dreamed about, sure, and he had on several occasions, usually for just a few moments after watching one of her films.  They were little more than casual daydreams, really, and not the sort of crudities he would often hear the other guys spouting to each other.  No, his were of the simple, boyishly charming variety – boy meets girl, boy smiles at girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy rides with the girl off into the sunset.  Overly romantic and old-fashioned, maybe, but he’d seen the way most other guys looked at women, and he was disgusted at the way the majority of his own gender thought of women as little more than sexual playthings.  There was so little room these days for seeing women with the respect and honor they deserved.  It almost made him ashamed to be male.

Unfortunately, those Hollywood types weren’t much better.  Here were high-profile people, living in the spotlight everyday, the details of their lives laid out there for everyone to examine, and they couldn’t manage to keep themselves out of trouble.  Hollywood marriages were a joke, a farce to justify their indiscrimant sexual proclivities, and everyone but the celebrities themselves seemed to know it.  Or if they did know it, they didn’t seem to care.  Another wedding would be announced in the tabloids, and everywhere people were putting money down on how long this one would last.

It made him sad to think about it, imagining some guy telling her that he loved her and convincing her to marry him, when he would probably only end up divorcing her later to move on to the next young thing that attracted his eye.  And maybe he really would love her to start with, or at least convince himself that he did, but it made him angry to think of her being treated with such casual disregard by so many of these men who noticed and lusted after her. 

The probability of falling in love with and marrying someone with whom you work or associate closely on a regular basis is high – higher, even, in the case of those who grace the silver screen, since many roles involve some sort of romantic involvement with the movie’s characters.  Somehow, that false, on-screen romance ends up translating into some sort of fanciful assurance of what real-life romance between the actors will be like.  Only thing is, once the intial glow wears off, too many of them realize how much they dislike their spouses or prefer someone else over the one they supposedly made a lifelong promise to, and another Hollywood marriage disolves into bitter words and harsh accusations.

That was the reality of show business, he supposed.  Too bad he would never get the chance to show her what it would be like to be loved by someone who would actually take care of her and look out for her best interests, even above his own.  He was a sucker for those who needed protection, and somehow he thought maybe she was a woman with such a need.  He wouldn’t treat her as just some possession to satisfy a physical need.  No, he would look out for her, take care of her, and protect her from the kind of people who would seek to take advantage of her.  She was beyond reach, though, outclassing him by far.  He would never be able to demonstrate to her what true, self-sacrificial love looked like, to prove to her, to himself, to everyone else that there are actually men out there who know how to take care of the women they love with the tenderness and love they deserve.

The line in the little coffee shop he frequented had reached the counter by this time, and he absent-mindedly ordered his usual cuppajoe.  He chided himself for getting lost so completely in his peurile heartache, but for some reason today he he just couldn’t leave it alone.  So, when he turned away from the counter to search for a table, preferably near a window where he could set up his laptop and work, he was startled when he bumped his shoulder into someone, sloshing his coffee onto the floor and burning his fingers.  He mumbled an apology, and it was only after he had grabbed some napkins and set his coffee down that he had a chance to notice who it was he had carelessly caromed off of.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” he stammered.  Had it been just anyone else, that would have been the end of it – an apology and move on – but this wasn’t just anyone.  It was her, and suddenly he felt his knees go weak.  She was hunched down, already mopping her own spilled coffee up from the floor.  He just stood there, gaping, for a moment.  It took a couple of very deliberate blinks just to make sure that he hadn’t somehow gotten so lost in his thoughts that they had taken on a life of their own.

“It’s no problem,” she replied without looking up.  “It was my fault for standing so close.” His face flushed with embarrassment, and he shook himself out of his trance.  Grabbing some more napkins, he bent down and started helping her clean up.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” she said.

“Sure, I do.  If I hadn’t bumped into you, you wouldn’t have dropped your coffee on the floor,” he explained.  “Let me buy you another cup.” She looked up at him then, smiling, and he almost melted onto the floor right there.  She was even more beautiful in person than on the silver screen, and he felt like his tongue was suddenly tied in knots. 

“Thank you; that’s very kind of you.” He just nodded, desperate for a diversion to cover up the fact that he was too flustered to speak.  He didn’t trust his voice to not give away his emotions.  His face burned, and he imagined that his cheeks were so red that she had already surmised his infatuation.  He was pleased, though, that his voice sounded even and controlled when he ordered her a replacement coffee.

When he turned back, he found that she was standing just behind him, and he felt those butterflies twirl through his stomach again.  One of the store employees had located a mop and was cleaning up the rest of the spilled coffee.

He handed her the coffee.  “Here you go.  I’m really sorry about making you drop your coffee.”

“Not a problem.  Really.  At least you didn’t get any on your clothes.” That smile again.  It almost made him giddy to see it.

He chuckled, somewhat nervously.  “Yeah, but I don’t think my poor fingers will ever be the same.” He shook his hand dramatically, even though the pain from the hot coffee had already mostly faded away.

She raised her cup to him slightly.  “Well, thanks again for the refill.”

He shrugged.  “Least I could do.” He turned and started to walk away when he felt a hand on his elbow.  He turned his head to see her looking up at him, a wry smile on her face.

“Would you care to join me?” She motioned to a small corner table lit by the warm morning sunlight.  “I’d love some company, and you seem the gentlemanly sort.”

He grinned sheepishly.  “I’d love to.”

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14 Feb 06 Care or Con?

The Demystifying Divas and the Men’s Club are writing about this week’s topic a couple of days early.  The question for this week is this – is Valentine’s Day really about romance, or is it just another way for ‘The Man’ to reach his hand a little deeper into your wallet?

In these our United States, every holiday seems to be cause for spending a few more of our hard-earned dollars.  Chocolates, flowers, fancy dinners at expensive restaurants, perfume, lingerie – all gifts that are often given only once a year.  But that doesn’t mean that it has to be that way.  It just seems a bit cheap to me if Valentine’s Day is the only day of the year that you pamper your sweetie.

I’ve never gotten into Valentine’s Day much, for that reason.  But my wife and I have developed an annual tradition – rather than buying a dozen roses for her that will only wilt and die within a week, we now order one or two rose bushes to be delivered when the planting season is prime.  In effect, the flowers I give her each year will be enjoyed year after year after year because they will be growing in our own little rose garden. 

My wife doesn’t like chocolate; she doesn’t like perfume; she doesn’t wear much jewelry (though she has mentioned a time or two that she would love a new pair of diamond stud earrings – I’m still working on that one).  She is, in fact, a very practical woman, which makes things easier for me.  I’m glad that she gets so thrilled about ordering our annual rose bushes.  We both have a bit of a green thumb, and it’s going to be fun to watch our rose garden grow and develop in the coming years.

Valentine’s Day gives me an excuse to pamper my wife a bit more than usual, but for us every day is Valentine’s Day.

Catch Silk, Theresa, Phoenix, Ally, James, Darren, and WitNit for more.

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09 Feb 06 Long-Distance Love

The Divas & Men ask, Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?  Do long-distance relationships work out?  It seems this is a subject that most of us have some experience with.  Personally, my recommendation has pretty much always been to avoid long-distance relationships wherever possible.  The mortality rate for such romances is, unfortunately, very high.

I went through three such relationships before I met my wife.  The failure of the first was my own dumb fault; I was young and immature and my heart wasn’t in the right place.  I did, however, learn much from that experience. 

My second long-distance relationship was probably my hardest.  I’d already been with her for over a year when she found she needed to move back to her home state to finish her schooling.  Things worked out for several months, and then everything fell apart.  In the space of a couple of days, involving several very long phone calls and lots of worry, things fell apart and she called it quits.  Because she was the first woman I’d really ever loved, it was also probably the worst pain I’d ever felt.  We had been so sure we were going to get married, and all those dreams and plans went up in smoke in a matter of moments.  It still amazes me how quickly it happened, and to this day, I’m still not entirely sure what happened.  It took me several months to get over the anger and bitterness of that breakup.  But again, the 18 months I’d had with her, and the ultimate collapse of the relationship, were very enlightening and enriching for me.

My third long-distance relationship was a bit more brief.  She graduated from college a year ahead of me, and so we parted ways for the summer.  It was not too long after that that I noticed something was wrong.  A brief conversation during a short visit with her confirmed it – she wasn’t sure she could deal with my periodic bouts of depression.  We actually parted on very good terms; I appreciated her openness and honesty, though it still hurt to lose another woman I loved. 

At this point, I was beginning to develop a superstition about long-distance relationships.  So far not a one had worked out.

Then I met my wife.  It didn’t take long for us both to discover that we were a perfect fit for each other.  We’d both been through the School of Hard Knocks in Love, both been through long-distance relationships, both knew exactly what we wanted in a spouse.  She was the one who proved to me that it is possible to survive time and distance apart – she spent the summer in China right after we got engaged.  And when she got back there was a little of that shyness and awkwardness that comes from being apart for so long and from not really being able to talk as openly as we’d have liked.  We brushed the figurative dust off things and began the serious work of strengthening our relationship and planning our wedding.  This May we will be celebrating our third wedding anniversary, and she is still the perfect fit for me!

So, does absence make the heart grow fonder?  I tend to think it does.  At least, it did for me.  Do I recommend long-distance relationships?  Not really, though admittedly they are sometimes unavoidable (and I have seen quite a few strong, healthy couples emerge from such struggles).  My philosophy of dating is that it is the get-to-know-you time for a couple to determine if they are compatible for marriage.  That’s hard to accomplish when you’re in separate cities.  You can’t see the situations and contexts that bring out the various nuances and behaviors of your significant other.  As a result it’s difficult to actually get to know the other one and is part of why I think most long-distance relationships ultimately fail.  You need that time together to learn about each other, to see how the other acts and reacts in as many different situations as possible.

Long-distance is still possible; it just means you both will have to work harder.  Not everyone can do it, but those who can also seem to have very resilient relationships – they’ve already overcome a huge obstacle together.

Check out the others in this little collaborative for more viewpoints on the subject – Silk, Theresa, Phoenix, Ally, Darren, James, and WitNit.

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