It’s always wonderful to get the chance to work on writing some of my fiction, since I don’t always get the opportunity to write every day. Last night, I pounded out another 1200-word section of a story idea and watched as about two hours just melted away. I had fun, and the time just flew by. It was such a high, getting a new idea written out, seeing the mental image I’ve been carrying with me for most of the week play out in actual written words.
Of course, on the flip side of the high is the almost inevitable low that accompanies it. I’ve written about the sympathetic/parasympathetic relationship before, and its influence is felt in my writing, as well. I don’t always feel low and discouraged right after writing, but it does happen with enough frequency to make me notice. In this case, I finished up my little bit of writing, printed it off for my wife to read, and headed to the kitchen to find something to eat.
In the few short steps it took me to reach the kitchen, I felt exhausted and discouraged, filled with self-doubt. Who was I kidding? What made me think I could ever hope to write as well as any of the great authors? What made me think I’d ever be any more than a hack writer, pretending to write great works of fiction, when in reality it was just garbage that no one in their right minds would read? Where did I ever get the idea that I would be able to actually sell a story, let alone finish one? And on and on and on it went.
It’s true what they say about writers having fragile egos that need stroking. When we write, we write from our hearts. We essentially put ourselves on display for the whole world to see, bare our inner secrets, make ourselves vulnerable is very frightening ways. It’s hard to do, sometimes, and I know that for myself, it makes me doubt my ability to write anything of any quality. The sympathetic system kicks in when I’m writing, giving me that creative high that keeps the mental juices flowing, that keeps me writing with feverish intensity, that makes me think this just may be the best work of literature yet. Then the parasympathetic kicks in and annihilates that high, and I am filled with self-doubt and discouragement.
Of course, after a night of sleep, I feel at least marginally better, and while my writing may not be the best ever, I’m sure it’s not the worst, either. I know that if I keep plugging away, eventually I will finish one of my stories and, Lord willing, actually be able to sell it. Only time will tell the whole tale…
Tags: emotions, fiction, moods, Speculative Fiction, Writing
I tend to be very sensitive to people’s moods and personalities, and believe me, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. On the positive side, empathy and sympathy come very easily for me. I can step into someone else’s shoes easily and imagine what it is like to be them and what they must be thinking and feeling. As a result I find it pretty simple to relate to them and to help them in a time of need.
The downside to all this is that I am equally sensitive to their bad moods and negative personality traits. What essentially happens is that I sort of absorb a part of their mood for a brief period of time. This is most noticeable when said individual is stressed or worried, both states of mind that I do not myself handle all that well. When someone else is stressed, I feel that stress. When they are worried, I feel worried. When they are upset, I get upset. In almost every case what happens is that I end up expressing all these feelings with a raised voice, with tension, with a high level of crankiness.
I have been having just such a week, due in large part because I am tired and feeling pretty brain-fried. I do find that I handle stress a whole lot better when I am well-rested, something that seems to escape me all too often. Fortunately, though, it’s Thursday, and so the weekend is nearly upon us. I just have to survive a couple of more days…
Tags: attitudes, human-behavior, moods, psychology
And no, I’m not talking about the music style (even though it is one of my favorites). I’ve been in a bit of a funk all week. Hazards, I guess, of not having much on my mind, let alone anything thought-provoking, and of not getting enough sleep. That’s the way it goes sometimes, though.
I’ve been feeling progressively more dissatisfied with my blog’s template. I sometimes find myself becoming too much of a bells-and-whistles guy, so my sidebar has become increasingly more cluttered. I’ve also wanted to develop a template that is more reflective of me and of my writing, rather than something generic. The trouble is that I simply don’t have the kind of time necessary to tear apart a couple of different templates to figure out how they work so that I can create one of my own.
So, I have been forced to do a couple of different things. I had really wanted to find a 3-column template so that I could reorganize some of my content. So far, I have found nothing I like. I have, however, rediscovered the K2 template, which looks like it might prove to be a lost easier to customize (since all the hacking appears to be done exclusively in the style sheet) and supports a bit more of the functionality that I would like.
I spent some time yesterday installing a second WordPress blog on my server, exclusively for testing purposes so that I can try out new themes and new plugins without affecting the availability of my main blog. Right now, I’m working on hacking the K2 template to add some of the features that I have on my main blog, and I am also re-evaluating some of the clutter in the sidebar to decide if I really need it. Hopefully, I will have a new look set up before the weekend, provided I have enough time around my various projects at work to play with K2 a little more and figure some things out.
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Speaking of funks, does anyone know of any good funk music – bands, albums, tracks, etc.?
Tags: attitudes, moods, psychology
