WP: Wayans’ hip-hop line rejected – washingtonpost.com Highlights – MSNBC.com
Damon Wayans takes the phrase ‘owning the n-word’ to an all new level. Of course, he’s not the first to try to get a patent on the word, but he is possibly the most recent and the most well-known.
Personally, I hate the n-word in all its forms. There are two reasons for this. One is because when a certain people group uses it, the word communicates unreasonable hatred. Two is because when another people group uses it, it demonstrates an unfair double-standard. For instance, when a white southern boy spots a black boy, he cries out the profane word, and we all think of white hoods, burning crosses, and lynchings. The word is, indeed, a profanity because of the level of animosity it conveys.
It’s other use is equally hateful to me, that being its casual use in so many hip-hop, rap, and R&B songs. Somehow, when black men call each other ‘my nigga’, it’s alright, but there’s hell to pay when a white boy tries to do the same thing, even when it’s with the same attitude of amiability. The excuse I’ve heard from black people sounds something like this – “It’s not an insult or offense when we use the word because when we use it, we own it.” And this somehow makes the word better?! That would be like saying it’s offensive when someone hatefully calls me a fu**er, but it becomes alright to call myself or a friend fu**er because when I do it, I own it, as if owning an offensive term somehow removes the offense from it.
I will honestly never understand how using an offensive term in casual reference among friends and brothers can be alright when the same term is not alright outside of that circle, particularly when such words as the n-word carry with them such high levels of hatred and animosity. There’s an interesting double-standard and casualness at work here, and I do not mean that it is interesting in a good way. I recognize the psychological and emotional need to remove some of the sting from an historically offensive term, but it seems to me that trying to own it is taking things just a bit too far.
Tags: american-culture, culture, human-behavior
Apparently, I’ve developed a handshake that it is to be somewhat feared. I had the privilege of meeting one of the higher-ups in my department the other day, where I found that all the work I have been doing at home has been paying off in unforeseen ways.
I’m one of those guys who likes firm handshakes. The type of handshake that I hate is what I call the Dead Fish Handshake. You know the one. Everyone has experienced the Dead Fish at some point or another. It’s the type of handshake where you know immediately that the other individual doesn’t really want to shake hands with you because all you get is their fingertips. Then, their hand just kind of flops in yours, like a dead fish, before sliding out of your grip, like a dead, wet fish. I really hate that. I much prefer a firm-gripped handshake because it conveys both warmth and confidence. A good, firm handshake communicates friendliness and openness.
Wherever possible I try to give others a firm handshake to say that I am genuinely pleased to meet them. I have found recently, however, that my firm handshake has become somewhat firmer – to the point of cracking the other guy’s knuckles. I didn’t mean to do it. I blame on all on the moving of hay bales, sawing (by hand) numerous boards for horse stalls, drilling hundreds of screws, and carrying water buckets. I just gave him my customary handshake and found out that I have muscled up a bit more than I thought.
Fortunately I didn’t actually hurt him, just surprised him a bit. He made a joke about that being a firm handshake and that cracking we heard being his knuckles. I guess I just don’t know my own strength…
Tags: health, human-behavior
I tend to be very sensitive to people’s moods and personalities, and believe me, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. On the positive side, empathy and sympathy come very easily for me. I can step into someone else’s shoes easily and imagine what it is like to be them and what they must be thinking and feeling. As a result I find it pretty simple to relate to them and to help them in a time of need.
The downside to all this is that I am equally sensitive to their bad moods and negative personality traits. What essentially happens is that I sort of absorb a part of their mood for a brief period of time. This is most noticeable when said individual is stressed or worried, both states of mind that I do not myself handle all that well. When someone else is stressed, I feel that stress. When they are worried, I feel worried. When they are upset, I get upset. In almost every case what happens is that I end up expressing all these feelings with a raised voice, with tension, with a high level of crankiness.
I have been having just such a week, due in large part because I am tired and feeling pretty brain-fried. I do find that I handle stress a whole lot better when I am well-rested, something that seems to escape me all too often. Fortunately, though, it’s Thursday, and so the weekend is nearly upon us. I just have to survive a couple of more days…
Tags: attitudes, human-behavior, moods, psychology
I know I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. I guess part of me still expects people to behave and know better.
I found it surprising and discouraging at how much gossip floated around among the professionals gathered at this conference. I realize that all of us are considered experts in our fields and that we all have our own ideas about the best ways of accomplishing things. But I still expect professionals to extend courtesy to one another at all times. Yet, I often heard various people criticizing their colleagues, both from the same office and from other institutions, about their personalities, about their leadership skills, about their ideas, and so on and so forth.
It reminded me that no matter how successful people become, people are still people, still prone to flaws and weaknesses and shortcomings. We are all still proud, arrogant people, and we all still make mistakes. I would have liked to see less of the backbiting and more of the professional courtesy (though there was certainly no shortage of that, either).
I look at it this way – I don’t like to be talked badly about by my friends and colleagues, so I don’t like to talk badly about them. It’s the application of the Golden Rule again. I just wish more adults could, and would, act in a mature manner. I was taught that it’s not polite to talk about people behind their backs. It seems that not everyone was taught that lesson.
Tags: human-behavior, professionalism
Ales Rarus – A Rare Bird, A Strange Duck, One Funky Blog » Have Christian Bloggers Lost the Plot?
Funky Dung, over at Ales Rarus, considers an interesting point:
My grandfather used to say that the habits or faults of other people that annoy us the most may be ones we are also guilty of.
He follows it up with a very good question:
How can I reprove others for a sin I’m just as guilty of?
This is a question I’ve wrestled over many times before finally coming to terms with an answer that I believe is both balanced and biblical.
I think it is only natural that we most quickly identify and point out those habits or faults in other people that most annoy us, habits of which we may also be guilty. It’s a basic principle in social psychology. Those are the habits and faults that are most salient to us, most readily identifiable, most recently active in our own minds. They are the ones over which we struggle most strongly and about which we feel the greatest amount of shame. So, naturally, we see those habits and faults more quickly than others in everyone else.
The tough question is how can I possibly reprove someone else for something of which I myself am guilty? If it is something with which I am struggling and seeking at no point to actually correct, I don’t offer reproof. I hold my tongue, for to say something would make me a true hypocrite, something of which I have, justifiably, been accused in the past. If I am making no attempt to better myself and correct my own errant behavior, then I have no right to attemp to correct another in the same vice.
If, however, I am actively seeking to draw closer to God and deny the inappropriate behavior, then I do, I believe, have a biblical right and obligation to offer correction to another if I see it. I can, in Christian love, point out the error and offer fellowship to my fellow struggling brother. I can indicate that I, too, struggle with the same weakness but that I wish to overcome it and so give all the glory to God. We can share in the journey and the struggle, and while one or both of us may fall, the struggle is made easier in the sharing of the experience. Along the way we may find others who so struggle, and in joining with them, we strengthen our ranks, share the burden, and fight together with greater resolve. One or more of the strugglers may fall away, as is often the case, but the brotherhood of the struggle bonds us as a three-strand cord that is not easily, or quickly, broken.
Is it hard to confront another about a like problem? Indeed, it is, and it is often done with lowered eyes and burning face. It is a commendable initiative, though, and one of which far too few of us partake. I believe that if more Christians would be willing to face each other with our problems with correction as the end goal, we would see a stronger, more effective Church. I also believe that sometimes it is those who struggle most similarly who are most able to help one another because they share similar weaknesses and are better able, then, to understand the trials that must be undergone to triumph over such weakness.
So, share in the struggles, carry one another’s burdens, and uplift one another to greater fellowship with God and with each other.
Tags: christianity, human-behavior, right-and-wrong, sin, theology
Some things just won’t let me alone until I write about them, and this is one of those things.
I read in the news yesterday that Saddam Hussein had taken to protesting his own trial by going on a hunger strike. Add this to his other antics – shouting, insults, arguments, walkouts, and simply not appearing in court – and I suddenly have the image of a circus in my mind. Now, I realize that things are different there in Iraq. I realize that the government is still getting its feet under it, still getting itself established, but what kind of justice system gives the defendant the choice as to whether or not he shows up at his trial or whether he is allowed to stay or leave? And seriously, does Saddam really think that by going on a hunger strike that he’s hurting anyone other than himself? He strikes me as little more than a petulant toddler who resorts to screaming and bawling whenever he doesn’t get his own way; and Saddam certainly hasn’t been getting his own way lately. His little tactics at stalling the trial are, frankly, little more than annoyances, and it’s just too bad that he hasn’t been put in his place a little better. I mean, the guy has murdered millions of his own people, and he’s been allowed to walkout or simply not show up to trial?! For a man who once had quite a bit of power, he’s not a very big thinker. But then again, he’s little more than a bully, and bullies aren’t known for their brains. His tantrums only accomplish to delay the inevitable, but of course, I’m sure that’s what he’s counting on.
Tags: human-behavior, politics, world-events
Y’know, I think I resent the implication in our culture today that an artistic man must be, at the very least, a closet homosexual. For whatever reason people can’t seem to grasp the notion that even the most masculine men can still be in touch with those things that are considered ‘soft’ and ‘sensitive’. The reason I think of this is because I was listening to a woman on the radio this morning talk about her very artistic husband. The interviewers immediately asked if she was sure he wasn’t gay. At some point in the discussion, she stated that her husband is a gay man who likes women.
I’m not so much offended by this state of mind in our culture as much as I find it mildly disturbing. I guess I’m wondering where we got the idea that ‘true men’ don’t have a clue about art. (It is a further sign of the neutering of the male gender in our society, in my opinion.) I don’t know about you, but I know quite a few men who are as masculine as they come who are also some of the most artistic people I know.
What society defines as a ‘true man’ seems to me to be only half the picture. True men are defined as being brawny, red-meat-and-potatoes, heavy-weapon-wielding oafs who swoop in to save the maiden by violently destroying all enemies. They are the guys with the biggest muscles, the flashiest vehicles, and the ability to seemingly hold the world together through sheer force of will. I would suggest that this is not really what it means to be a man.
I’ve seen a lot of guys who fit the stereotypical definition of manliness who are oafish, selfish, brutal, and lazy. In fact, the more men I see who fit the stereotype, the more I see guys who disgust me because they almost always have those vices. The thing of it is that they don’t even bother to try hiding those traits because somehow those are part of society’s definition of what a man is supposed to look and act like. I truly believe that a true man is one that has the characteristics of strength that our society so admires but also encompasses ‘softer’ traits, like compassion and love and selflessness. It appears to me that so many of the traits that are considered to be feminine are forsaken by men who want to be as manly as possible. But it is many of those same traits that I think unlock the artistic abilities and talents of so many who are gifted in the arts.
It seems to me that a true man is one who has an almost perfect balance of both masculinity and femininity, who can be both strong and compassionate at the exact same time. It doesn’t mean that the guy is gay, or even that he leans that direction. It simply means that he is tapping into all the built-in resources that God gave him. He is able to look at just about anything and see beauty – and appreciate that beauty for what it is by expressing it in a way that is in itself beautiful and inspiring.
Of course, maybe I’m a little biased; I’m an artist. I love my music, and I love my writing, and I have a high appreciation for art and dance and dozens of other forms of artistic expression. I definitely have those strong, masculine traits that our culture uses to define true manhood, but I also have the softer, more emotional traits that are viewed as weak if found in men. But it is those emotional traits that allow me to appreciate and to express art in my own way. I’m not gay, nor do I even remotely lean that way (just the mere thought is enough to make me ill). Rather, I see it as having the best (and some of the worst) of both worlds of masculinity and femininity, and it is not something I am ashamed of. It does, in fact, make me stronger because it is part of who I am and closer to what I believe a true man should look like. More men need to tune in to their softer sides, I believe, and not just because it will allow them to appreciate art more. I believe that men who are both strong and sensitive are ones who are able to have richer, deeper, and more meaningful relationships with others because it opens up their ability to empathize and sympathize, both of which, again, are great tools in the appreciation and expression of art.
Tags: art, artistry, culture, human-behavior, music, stereotypes, The Arts, Writing
Does anyone else get sick of listening to people gossip? Frankly, I’m already a bit sick of listening to the hoohah about Dick Cheney. Similarly, I think it’s both sick and sad how many people get so wrapped up in celebrity tabloids, eating up as much dirt as they can find and gather on those people most well-known to them. What’s disgusting about it is how much of a waste of time and resources such pursuits are. Do all those people who follow celebrity gossip like it’s their life’s blood not see just how much of their lives are wasting away through these vain pursuits? Are we so lazy and bored that we have nothing better to do than talk about the latest scandal that has nothing to do with our lives and that will probably never intersect with our daily activities in any way? Apparently we are.
And let’s not forget about the fact that gossip is hardly ever good. It always crops up in such a way as to cast its subject in the worst possible light. It’s dirty, it’s ugly, it’s sensational, and therefore, seemingly, it’s much, much more interesting.
I’ve never really understood why people follow celebrity gossip so closely; it’s never been all that interesting to me, for reasons already stated. Maybe it’s because the subject of the gossip is so hated or disliked that it feels like justice to see something bad happen to that individual. Maybe it’s because it makes us feel better about ourselves, to see someone in such a prominent position also screw up in a big way, thus making our own mistakes a little easier to swallow. Or maybe it’s because we so admire these people that we can’t help but follow their every movement with hopes of imitating them, unable to turn away from our horrible fascination with their mistakes because somehow our lives have become so entwined with the lives of these strangers.
Whatever the case it seems like a pretty grim picture to me. All my heroes are close to home, the ones I admire and look up to, and so the lives of those in more prominent places in our culture interest me little. They have nothing to give me, and so I give them little more than a passing glance. There are much more important things to do than waste my time wondering who did what, who’s involved with whom, or who is saying what horrible things to the media. I care about taking care of business, and since the lives of various celebrities are not part of my business, I simply don’t care.
Tags: culture, gossip, human-behavior
I’ve written about this before but a comment in an on-going discussion has brought it to mind again.
Talk is so very cheap. It’s easy to declare a belief but never back it up with associated actions. It’s simple to make a promise to someone, yet never follow through with it. It’s very easy to say things that you have absolutely no intention of ever putting into practice. It’s simply easy to let the tongue wag on both ends. Few people know what it means to control what they say, let alone have the discipline to back their words with deeds that prove them. (We’re seeing that right now in the Muslim community, who proclaim to be a people of peace yet react with violence over political cartoons.)
William Shatner points to this in his poem/song “I Can’t Get Behind That” when he complains about people who demand that you say what they say and do what they do for your own good – or they’ll kill you. It’s this phenomenon that people are so quick to shout about called ‘being a hypocrite.’ It’s saying one thing and then doing another, and it is this doing another thing that invalidates the saying of the one thing. It destroys the credibility of the speaker, who loses his audience’s respect. By saying one thing and then doing another, you make yourself into a liar, and as so many of our politicians and (unfortunately) our religious leaders have so aptly demonstrated, no one trusts a liar. You are, in fact, far more likely to induce the opposite reaction from the one that you want. People see a liar, a hypocrite, a man whose words are rendered meaningless by his actions, and in order to disassociate themselves as much as possible from him and so escape falling under the umbrella of his guilt, they often react by swinging to the opposite extreme. It is a serious thing to say something or make a promise and then not incorporate that into your life.
It is so important for lifestyle to match discourse, particularly if you hope to have an influence on those around you. Christians often get a bad rap because they speak and preach one thing and then find themselves guilty of the very weaknesses against which they speak out. The trouble with so many people, Christian or not, is that their lifestyles are often inconsistent with their beliefs and their words, as actions are usually the best indicator of actual beliefs. (Psychological studies have shown that people tend to live the way they really believe, regardless of what things they say.)
Intellectual exercise is a good thing, in my opinion, as this blog and my forum can attest, but if the intellectual lessons never reach our way of life, in the end it does absolutely no good.
Tags: christianity, human-behavior, hypocrisy
If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying enough attention.
That bumper sticker seems to sum up the state of our world these days. Everyone is angry about something. Demonstrations, both violent and peaceful, seem to be cropping up all over the place. Riots break out in the most mundane, and often the most bizarre, places. Road rage continues to be a problem, as do violent crimes of all varieties.
It almost seems like being outraged is the new fashion, complete with the red face, furrowed brows, clenched teeth and fists, and high blood pressure. Apparently, anger and outrage are the only ways to express oneself and to effect change in our world. At least, that seems to be the mindset of so many protest groups. Christians are angry about Brokeback Mountain and The Book of Daniel, Muslims are angry about political cartoons, (some) Americans are angry about the Iraq war, and the list continues. With all these angry people, I have to wonder if there is any around with a level head.
Of course there are, but most of them have to work harder to be heard – the roar of global outrage is that deafening. That level of anger and vehemence gets things done, sure, but such changes rarely last in the longterm. Angry people are bullying people, and by forcing the change they ensure that it is a shallow one because the hearts and minds of the people they are influencing have not been changed. Things quiet down for a little while and then the change is reinstated, albeit better disguised.
I’ve never gone in for protests and marches, exactly because I feel like they don’t really accomplish much of anything. It’s one thing to state your mind in a town council, a letter to the editor or your congressman, in the voting booth – it’s quite another to go face-to-face, quite literally, with someone, all the while shouting and screaming and spouting obscenities. I have yet to see anything productive accomplished by such means, and even if it has the victory is tainted by the means in which it was acquired.
I have my own fair share of cynical attitudes, even to the extent of finding myself saying bitter things against particular people. It just goes to show you I’m not perfect, but I want to avoid engaging in such behavior, treating people with respect, instead – whether they deserve it or not. I don’t want to bully people into doing what I think is right; I would much rather sway them into seeing things the way I do, if at all possible. But even barring that, I can, and must, continue to live my life according to what is right and good and true. There can be, and should be, no place in my life for outrage.
Tags: culture, human-behavior, political-correctness, psychology
