The Upward Way Press » Blog Archive » Wishing
Rob adequately expresses the opinions of so many of us, I think. We’re tired of the media trying always to tell us what to think, what opinions we should hold, and what feelings we should have about various events and issues taking place around the world. It’s difficult these days to find a news venue that doesn’t try to spin it somehow, that doesn’t try to influence you in some way. Some of it is overt – videos with voice-overs appealing to some aspect of your emotions, articles with commentary that includes name-calling, predictions of the future, nearly-irrelevant poll numbers, etc. Some of it is more subtle – the mere choice of which stories get covered, for instance, or which adjective are chosen to describe the event, or which perspective the news story is told from, whether it be from the victim’s point-of-view, the antagonist’s, the demonstrators’, or the politician’s. Frankly, the American public is sick and tired of having everyone else’s opinions jammed in their face, and most of us just want the facts.
I think there’s a reason why so many of us are tuning out of news broadcasts and becoming apathetic and disinterested in the events taking place around us, whether they be political, social, economic, etc. The information flow is high, we are inundated with messages and viewpoints not our own, and so many of those in positions of power, authority, and influence appear corrupt and immoral. There is only so much of this sort of stimulation that a person can take before becoming completely jaded, and I think that most of us have passed the breaking point. The world moves awfully fast these days, and as a result people have to shout and become more intense to get their message heard. These individuals then come across as pushy and in-your-face, and that approach has never gone over well – with anyone.
So, we’ve tuned out of the news (unless it’s some juicy tidbit of gossip, apparently) and the media have taken this to be a sign of approval. I wonder how many of them realize that a lot of us simply don’t care what they have to say anymore.
Tags: apathy, culture, media
This past weekend I was privileged to attend a conference at my church. The keynote speaker was Steve Gallagher, founder of Pure Life Ministries, an organization that seeks to help men trapped by sexual idolatry gain victory over their addiction and begin to live lives free of immoral behavior. The Men of Purity weekend was broken down into three sessions, the first of which was held on Friday evening and the last two on Saturday morning. The final session was followed up by a brief challenge from my pastor on how to affair-proof your marriage.
It was such a blessing to hear Steve’s testimony. He himself has been rescued from sexual addiction, and God challenged him to begin a ministry of reaching out to other men likewise trapped and show them the deliverance that only God can bring. Pure Life Ministries has been in existence for the past 20 years and has touched the lives of countless men. Steve’s assistant Justin Carabello also spoke during the conference and shared his own testimony of deliverance from sexual idolatry.
I think that the the most refreshing part of the conference for me was hearing clear, concrete principles about the root causes of sexual addiction as well as receiving basic, fundamental solutions for breaking free of the habits and decisions that are such an integral part of that degenerate lifestyle. Steve may well be the first person I have ever met who has been able to provide a complete and thorough understanding and answer to the problem of sexual addiction.
Most men I know have, at some time or another, wrestled with this problem. We are not helped by the fact that our culture is oversexualized. Provocative imagery is everywhere, and the general philosophy of nation is that, so long as it doesn’t harm anyone, people are free to pursue whatever sexual desires they want however they want. So, for Christian men who want to do what is right and live a life of purity, such a task is made exceptionally difficult. We cannot interact with our culture for more than a moment or two without coming face to face with images that tempt us to give in to our selfish sexual cravings. Far too many of us fail to shun the temptations, unfortunately, and the vast majority of us who fall into sexual addiction are never able to find our way back out.
Steve is, quite literally, a Godsend. Pure Life Ministries is situated on a 45-acre campus in northern Kentucky, and in addition to regular speaking engagements, Steve has established a 6-month live-in residency program for men trapped in sexual idolatry. Here, these men are able to immerse themselves in the Word, allowing it to change and reshape their minds and their thinking onto the things of God, so that they may re-enter the world and the lives of their families stronger, Godlier, and better able to be spiritual leaders.
I was also fortunate enough to pick up several resources in an offered package at this conference – At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry, which I am currently reading, Intoxicated with Babylon, How America Lost Her Innocence, and a 4-sermon disc set entitled Breaking Free from the Power of Lust. Included in the package is a 24-week Bible Study called The Walk of Repentance, aimed at refocusing one’s mind on the things of God and on holy living. I’m looking forward to working my way through each of these books and CDs and sharing some of the things I discover through this journey. The lessons contained within are valuable, not just to those men struggling with sexual addiction, but to every believer alike as we strive to be more like Christ and follow Him in all things.
This conference has made me more aware of all the sexual stimuli surrounding me and caused me to see the need to be more proactive in guarding my heart. One way in which I have started doing this is by using Firefox’s wonderful ability to block images from various websites, particularly the sensual banner ads littering so many websites now for the plethora of dating services that exist on the web. I have taken it upon myself to try to filter out as much of that content as possible because as one who has once struggled with sexual addiction myself, even such ‘tame’ images can be enough to make the battle much harder than it needs to be.
Tags: american-culture, culture, men-of-purity, pure-life-ministries, sexual-addiction, steve-gallagher, theology
“Follow your heart.”
“Do what feels right.”
“If it feels good, how can it be bad?”
Do any of these sound familiar? And this one may seem like it’s different from the three above, but it’s not:
“You have to do what’s right for you.”
These are some of the most common phrases heard in our culture today. Postmodernism has infiltrated just about every aspect of our lives. Truth is no longer conceived of in absolute terms, so people are free to determine truth for themselves. Ultimately, what happens is that people use themselves for their reference point, since in a relative-truth world there can be no other reference point than one’s own experience. More specifically, people end up using their own feelings and emotions to guide them because feelings are powerful, salient, and readily available.
There are two major problems with this system. The first is that feelings are inherently self-serving. This is not necessarily a problem all the time, since our feelings are a prime motivator for protecting our hearts from emotional harm at the hands of another. Where the problem comes in is when following our feelings causes us to pursue our own wants and desires, everyone else be damned. I have seen many people hurt because someone else ‘followed their heart’, making decisions that were ultimately detrimental to other people around them.
The second problem leads logically from the first. Feelings are not always accurate reflections on reality. In essence, just because I happen to feel a certain way does not necessarily mean that the situation at hand fits well with that feeling. For instance, I can feel supremely confident about my ability to handle Situation B because I feel great about the way I handled Situation A (which is, in my mind, similar or related to Situation B). But I quickly find, upon taking on the tasks of Situation B, that I do not, in fact, have the ability to handle Situation B at all, thus I fail. The mistake here is in trusting my feelings to guide me because they were not giving me an accurate picture of the situation.
We live in such an individualistic society that pursuing our own needs, wants, and desires before those of others is simply a matter of course. It’s so natural and instinctive that we do it without even thinking about it. So, it’s logical that our philosophies have changed to more easily allow us to do this. Now, we justify our selfishness and self-involvement by urging each other to follow our hearts and to do what feels right, even when what feels right really isn’t. We are quickly losing any sense of what is true and good and right, except for what we determine for ourselves. Yet, somehow, we have failed to see that people are themselves flawed and prone to mistakes. So, how can people who make mistakes somehow determine what is true and right based upon their own flawed feelings? Yet we do so every day.
Feelings do compliment the decision-making process quite well. Yet, feelings are also unruly and fickle, changing almost at the drop of a hat. Feelings make terrific servants but horrible masters, and as such, they must be governed and controlled as best as possible. No decision should ever be made exclusively at the behest of the emotions. Such a thing is risky because the emotions can, and will, deceive. Logic and rationality must win out when making decisions. They can, however, consult the emotions, but the message of the emotions must be taken with a grain of salt. That niggling sense of fear could tell you that something is wrong about your decision, that maybe there are other factors that need to be considered; or that fear could simply be the fear of stepping into a new situation. Emotions can provide indicators of what might be, but they should not be relied upon to tell you what is.
Keep a short leash on those feelings. And whenever someone tells you to just do what feels right, remind them that there is a better way. Engage that brain and push the heart to the background. Letting your heart rule over your mind is surefire way to get yourself into deep trouble.
Tags: absolute-truth, culture, emotions, feelings, individualism, postmodernism, relative-truth, right-and-wrong, truth
The Society of Serpents and Doves: Ruminating on the Emergent Church
Dr. Mark Caleb Smith writes about the emergent church movement, addressing many of the same concerns that I’ve mentioned before.
How does one build authentic relationships with those in need by separating from the Body of Christ? If they are correct, then we, the organized church, is in need of change, and the emergents should be “salt” and “light” to the rest of us.
This has been one of my major criticisms of the separation of the emergent folks from the traditional church. Now, I realize that many emergents are still practicing their faith in their local churches, but from what I have been able to ascertain, even many (or most) of them are isolated from the rest of their congregations. But many of the emergent folks I have conversed with have stopped attending church, with most of their Christian fellowship taking place in more casual surroundings with smaller groups of people. Indeed, the question that Dr. Smith asks seems to be a valid one. How can the perceived problems and shortcomings in the church be corrected but for those who have identified them to stay and work to repair them?
Another of the blog’s writers comments:
More problematic, the emergent alternative is not a return to the authority of Scripture. Often emergents emphasize multiple authorities (community, experience, creative thought or action, Scripture, church tradition, etc.), thus relegating God’s Word to just one among many.
Again, while this certainly does not describe all of those individuals who consider themselves emergent, it is a trend that even I have noticed. It is, I believe, a symptom of this postmodern culture, where our own perceptions, understanding, and knowledge is suspect, where the existence of absolute truth is doubted, and where common experience is often given as much authority as established, verifiable fact. As a result the Bible’s authority is questioned – whether because we doubt its accuracy or source of truthfulness or our ability to understand the information contained therein matters little; the end result is the same – and we find ourselves falling back and relying on our own experiences and philosophical musings in our quest for truth and enlightenment. We hope that we can arrive at the truth simply by talking about it and sifting the chaff from the wheat. I do believe that there is some relevance to this approach, else all our conversations with one another would be for naught, but by relegating the Bible to a place of like authority as our own experiences, we remove any source and hope for discovering absolute truth. We become to ourselves a self-referential source for truth, and secular philosophy has proven time and again that this approach to seeking truth leaves us severely lacking.
I don’t know how much of the emergent population this describes. That’s part of the problem, I fear – the emergent church is reluctant to establish a definition for itself or goals or a mission statement, since that is part of the very structure and legalism from which they are trying to escape. But I think Dr. Smith again hits the nail right on the head when he says that the emergent church is a further fracture of the Church, something which we all know is a very bad thing.
Tags: culture, emergent-church, fellowship, postmodernism, relative-truth, the-body-of-christ, theology, truth
Christianity has always been viewed as something of a sub-culture, as has just about every other major religious system, but Christianity more so, in my opinion, because of its nearly unique exclusivity (Islam may be the only other that I can think of right off the top of my head that is equally exclusive). There is no room for other religious thinking in Christianity, unlike so many of our New Age, Eastern, and postmodern religions and philosophies that are so very accepting of other faiths. As a result whenever we as Christians suggest that something is sinful, we are merely written off as a wacko subculture that has absolutely no relevance on ‘reality’.
Why is it so easy to push Christians aside like this? It boils down, I think, to the fact that most people are content with their lives as they are. Very few people I know like change, let alone the kind of the drastic change that results from discovering that you have been doing incorrectly some of the daily things in your life. As I stated in my previous article, no one likes to be told they are wrong. No one likes to find that their entire lives have been wasted, to some extent or another, that they have been lived in vain because of some ignorance or misunderstanding. That’s the sort of horrible reality they are faced with when they are told that some of the most fundamental elements of their lives are sinful and wrong. It means that all the time, energy, and resources that have gone into that activity have been absolutely and utterly wasted, thrown away and spent on something that, in the long run, yields absolutely no return. It’s almost like throwing money into the stock market, only to have it crash and lose the entire investment, or placing a huge wager on a casino game, only to be taken by the house and left with only the lint in your pocket.
That’s not an easy thing to swallow. It means that you made a mistake, an error in judgment, and as we all know, it hits the ol’ pride in an awfully sensitive place. Is it any wonder that the subject of sin is such a touchy one with most people? We really don’t like to be wrong, let alone find out that so many years were wasted on vain pursuits.
Fortunately, when we do get it right, when we repent and turn our lives over to God, the rewards He gives for doing so far outweigh the prior squandered opportunities. It is just that swallowing our pride is so very hard to do, and for many people, it is an impossible hurdle. That is why we as Christians must be loving and accepting from the start. It is that kind of support that makes it easier for others to push past their own pride, the only true barrier between them and God. It also enables us to support and uplift one another, since Christians are still just as vulnerable to pride.
However we are perceived and received by the rest of the world, our faith is relevant, but more importantly, it is living and it is powerful because it is based on a living and powerful Savior!
Tags: christianity, culture, faith, religion
WP: Wayans’ hip-hop line rejected – washingtonpost.com Highlights – MSNBC.com
Damon Wayans takes the phrase ‘owning the n-word’ to an all new level. Of course, he’s not the first to try to get a patent on the word, but he is possibly the most recent and the most well-known.
Personally, I hate the n-word in all its forms. There are two reasons for this. One is because when a certain people group uses it, the word communicates unreasonable hatred. Two is because when another people group uses it, it demonstrates an unfair double-standard. For instance, when a white southern boy spots a black boy, he cries out the profane word, and we all think of white hoods, burning crosses, and lynchings. The word is, indeed, a profanity because of the level of animosity it conveys.
It’s other use is equally hateful to me, that being its casual use in so many hip-hop, rap, and R&B songs. Somehow, when black men call each other ‘my nigga’, it’s alright, but there’s hell to pay when a white boy tries to do the same thing, even when it’s with the same attitude of amiability. The excuse I’ve heard from black people sounds something like this – “It’s not an insult or offense when we use the word because when we use it, we own it.” And this somehow makes the word better?! That would be like saying it’s offensive when someone hatefully calls me a fu**er, but it becomes alright to call myself or a friend fu**er because when I do it, I own it, as if owning an offensive term somehow removes the offense from it.
I will honestly never understand how using an offensive term in casual reference among friends and brothers can be alright when the same term is not alright outside of that circle, particularly when such words as the n-word carry with them such high levels of hatred and animosity. There’s an interesting double-standard and casualness at work here, and I do not mean that it is interesting in a good way. I recognize the psychological and emotional need to remove some of the sting from an historically offensive term, but it seems to me that trying to own it is taking things just a bit too far.
Tags: american-culture, culture, human-behavior
I mentioned Blaise Cronin in my previous article, and listening to him speak reminded me again of something I call European Efficiency. I’d call it British efficiency, but that might be an affront to Dr. Cronin. What I am referring to is the uncanny ability to use exactly the right words to convey the most amount of meaning in the briefest way.
Dr. Cronin was exceptionally interesting to listen to in part because he frequently used words that were loaded with meaning. His level of verbal precision was stunning and awe-inspiring, and it made me slightly jealous. I consider myself something of a wordslinger, albeit amateurishly. The quality of his dialogue was something that inspired me to find greater precision in my own speech and writing. American dialogue involves so many wasted words. We talk just for the sake of hearing ourselves talk. We are uncomfortable with silence, something else I noticed at this conference. It is possible that the quality of our communication might just improve if we strove for greater efficiency in our own discourse. We might actually find that we need to say less and that we are actually more comfortable with silence. Sometimes, words are not necessary to say what is important.
Tags: communication, culture
I have trouble determining the focus of these Islamic terrorists’ rage, anger, and hatred. They really gained a permanent spot on the American radar on 9/11, but since then we have also seen them inflict violence and death on their own people. In Iraq we have seen numerous car bombings, mine fields, grenade launches, among other things, directed at the peacekeeping forces, American and Iraqi alike, established there. On top of that, though, Iraqi men, women, and children have been killed, mosques bombed, and shrines destroyed, all done with no peacekeeping presence being targetted. In short the terrorists are bombing and killing their own people.
Hence my confusion. Who are the terrorists lashing out against – unbelieving American, capitalist infidels or just anyone who does not believe exactly they way they do? From my perspective it does much more to damage whatever goals they are trying to accomplish when they seem to have no particular agenda, other than to inflict as much pain and suffering on others as they can. I simply don’t understand what they are hoping to accomplish, if anything. Nothing in their behaviors and actions makes much sense to me, since they are also alienating the very people they claim to be trying to save. It’s a very twisted and sick world in which they live, apparently.
Tags: anger, culture, hatred, islam, rage, religion
This one is probably going to end up being rather short and sweet. The question at hand is this – what is the perfect date? My response is simple – whatever can be done together that is special and that fosters further growth in your relationship. For my wife and myself, a date can be as simple as sitting in our craft room working on our scrapbooks together or as luxurious as getting dressed up in our best formalwear and going to downtown Indy for a delicious meal and a concert by the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra at the Hilbert Circle Theatre. Whatever we do on our special time set aside for just us, just being together is what makes it so good and so much fun. We both have a wide variety of interests, so it’s not hard to find things to do (though our accessibility to some activities is limited by how much cash we have in our wallets). It doesn’t take much to construct the perfect date – just a little time, consideration, and one-on-one attention.
Now, go pay some attention to my esteemed colleagues and what they have to say on the topic – Silk, Theresa, Phoenix, Ally, James, WitNit, and today’s special guest, Nugget!
Tags: culture, dating, ddmc
Y’know, I think I resent the implication in our culture today that an artistic man must be, at the very least, a closet homosexual. For whatever reason people can’t seem to grasp the notion that even the most masculine men can still be in touch with those things that are considered ‘soft’ and ‘sensitive’. The reason I think of this is because I was listening to a woman on the radio this morning talk about her very artistic husband. The interviewers immediately asked if she was sure he wasn’t gay. At some point in the discussion, she stated that her husband is a gay man who likes women.
I’m not so much offended by this state of mind in our culture as much as I find it mildly disturbing. I guess I’m wondering where we got the idea that ‘true men’ don’t have a clue about art. (It is a further sign of the neutering of the male gender in our society, in my opinion.) I don’t know about you, but I know quite a few men who are as masculine as they come who are also some of the most artistic people I know.
What society defines as a ‘true man’ seems to me to be only half the picture. True men are defined as being brawny, red-meat-and-potatoes, heavy-weapon-wielding oafs who swoop in to save the maiden by violently destroying all enemies. They are the guys with the biggest muscles, the flashiest vehicles, and the ability to seemingly hold the world together through sheer force of will. I would suggest that this is not really what it means to be a man.
I’ve seen a lot of guys who fit the stereotypical definition of manliness who are oafish, selfish, brutal, and lazy. In fact, the more men I see who fit the stereotype, the more I see guys who disgust me because they almost always have those vices. The thing of it is that they don’t even bother to try hiding those traits because somehow those are part of society’s definition of what a man is supposed to look and act like. I truly believe that a true man is one that has the characteristics of strength that our society so admires but also encompasses ‘softer’ traits, like compassion and love and selflessness. It appears to me that so many of the traits that are considered to be feminine are forsaken by men who want to be as manly as possible. But it is many of those same traits that I think unlock the artistic abilities and talents of so many who are gifted in the arts.
It seems to me that a true man is one who has an almost perfect balance of both masculinity and femininity, who can be both strong and compassionate at the exact same time. It doesn’t mean that the guy is gay, or even that he leans that direction. It simply means that he is tapping into all the built-in resources that God gave him. He is able to look at just about anything and see beauty – and appreciate that beauty for what it is by expressing it in a way that is in itself beautiful and inspiring.
Of course, maybe I’m a little biased; I’m an artist. I love my music, and I love my writing, and I have a high appreciation for art and dance and dozens of other forms of artistic expression. I definitely have those strong, masculine traits that our culture uses to define true manhood, but I also have the softer, more emotional traits that are viewed as weak if found in men. But it is those emotional traits that allow me to appreciate and to express art in my own way. I’m not gay, nor do I even remotely lean that way (just the mere thought is enough to make me ill). Rather, I see it as having the best (and some of the worst) of both worlds of masculinity and femininity, and it is not something I am ashamed of. It does, in fact, make me stronger because it is part of who I am and closer to what I believe a true man should look like. More men need to tune in to their softer sides, I believe, and not just because it will allow them to appreciate art more. I believe that men who are both strong and sensitive are ones who are able to have richer, deeper, and more meaningful relationships with others because it opens up their ability to empathize and sympathize, both of which, again, are great tools in the appreciation and expression of art.
Tags: art, artistry, culture, human-behavior, music, stereotypes, The Arts, Writing
